it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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