I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
