Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
