I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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