I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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