and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
