Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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