So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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