oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
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