He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
