I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
