I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
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