I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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