Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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