Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Randomize
