There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
