Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
The best revenge is premature balding
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
