I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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