He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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