I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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