dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
