I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
