speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
