Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
