how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
