Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
