if i can run in heels then i can drive
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
