i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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