I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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