So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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