The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
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