you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
