piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Is Oprah even human
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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