Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
