Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
