how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
