we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
In America we eat man semen.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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