if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
