Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
