Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I have aggressive nipples.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Randomize
