wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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