his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
