How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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