I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
