I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
kristin has been a bad kristin
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
