Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
this is an emotional support booty call
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
