woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Randomize
