Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
