She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
