My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
You're a waste of cheezeits
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
